Marry Your Best Friend.

Dave and I are part of a small group of young married couples through our church. We're currently reading and discussing Tim & Kathy Keller's book, The Meaning of Marriage. Although I am only half way through, I would highly recommend this book -whether you're married, dating, or single- because it really puts into perspective a lot of important aspects of marriage and things that should be considered before you marry.

"[when people are] looking for a spouse, [they] are looking for a finished statue when they should be looking for a wonderful block of marble... When Michelangelo was asked how he carved his magnificent David, his reply is reputed to have been, "I looked inside the marble and just took away the bits that weren't David."

For many young people, marriage sounds like a prison sentence, but I believe (along with Mr. & Mrs. Keller), that people are just looking for the wrong person to marry. 

"It often happens that you have a good friend of the opposite sex, with whom you share common commitments. You trust this person's wisdom and you find you can open up and share many intimate things without fear. He or she understand you well and listens to you and gives you advice. But the person does't attract you romantically. Maybe he or she doesn't have the body type that you find appealing. You feel no sexual chemistry at all. Then imagine you meet someone else to whom you feel very attracted. This person has the physical and social attribute you have been looking for and is interested in you, too. So you start seeing each other and you have a lot of fun together and things are moving along into more and more romantic intimacy. But if you are honest with yourself, this person you say you are falling in love with does not make nearly as good a friend as the one you already have, nor is that likely to change... Your spouse has got to be your best friend, or be on the way to becoming your best friend, or you won't have a strong, rich marriage that endures and that makes you both vastly better persons for having been in it."

All that to say, don't go wasting your time looking for this "Christian Grey" character who is just make-believe. (Yeah, I said it.)

Instead, take a moment to look around you, and understand that being married to your best friend, who may be a bit pudgy, or super corny, or shorter, or balder, or less rich than you imagined your "dream husband to be" and know that marrying someone you love and helping them become the person God is shaping them into is more important and more meaningful than any of those other (often temporary) things are. 

It's really that simple.

-N